Date: December 23rd, 2007

Title: “Marriage Open Forum”

Marriage Q & A

Question 1: The wife works late nights and the husband works day shift. When the baby wakes early in the morning, the wife feels that the husband should take her schedule under consideration and attend to the baby while she rests. She understands that she has to still function as a mother. Should she expect more assistance from the husband during this time frame in which both want to sleep?

Answer: Just because the wife is working does not stop her responsibilities for caring for the needs of their children. However, problems in the marriage, whatever they are, fall on the head which is the husband. He is the head of the household and is ultimately responsible for the peace, guidance, and leading in the home. Although the husband has to make the last decision on the matter they are both going to have to work this out amongst themselves being fair in all aspects.

(Colossians 3:18; Ephesians 5:22-24)

Question 2: When a spouse approaches the other in love but does not get the response in the same approach of love in return, how do you deal with not receiving the reciprocating response?

Answer: Christ loves us and gives us love, but we don’t always respond to His love the way we should. The bible instructs the husband to love his wife like Christ loves the church. It is important for husbands to remember that when dealing with the wife. When a serious issue or conversation needs to take place, the couple needs to seek the Lord in prayer before the conversation takes place. If the conversation is expected to take an hour, they should make sure that they pray about it longer than an hour. Conversations don’t go as they should, because both spouses will spend less time in prayer and more time discussing or even arguing. Less time is spent seeking God about it; when it should be the complete opposite, more time getting direction from God before proceeding to discuss the problem. If we allow God to instruct us first the communicating will turn out so much better. You see when we can’t communicate; God can, because He knows the true hearts of men. (Colossians 3:1, 2, 8, 13-15; Ephesians 5:2, 25-29)

Question 3: When a wife has a hard time communicating, because of her anger she will just keep the issues to herself. When should she keep things in and when she should share it with her husband?

Answer: The husband is not doing what he is supposed to do to help the wife feel comfortable enough to speak to him. The wife needs to pray that the Lord give her a better way to communicate to her husband. Everything isn’t going to be done perfectly. Even the Garden of Eden was not perfect. If it were, then Adam and Eve would not have sinned. Pray that they Lord gives you the ability to see your spouse as He sees them. The way one is approached is very important, pray first. If presented in an appropriate manner the husband’s response would most likely come in the same way. How it’s said is the key. (Ephesians 4:31; Proverbs 15:1-2; Ephesians 4:26)

Question 4: As a protective husband, he can see when there is something bothering his wife, but she won’t seem to open up. How can I get her to talk to me about what’s bothering her?

Answer: The husband is the priest of the home… So she should remember that they are one and together they hold the keys to each other’s peace and understanding. From a woman’s perspective, the need is to be able to talk and have the husband listen and to empathize with her situation. You should be able to open up to your spouse as they are or should be your best friend. Most importantly, the woman has to realize that everything is not going to go her way. So when she finally breaks through and releases what is inside which bothers her, she must be ready to except the truth no matter which way it falls. The husband in return is going to have to make sure that he responds in love and is hearing that which the wife is speaking about. Colossians 3:19; Ephesians 5:9-10, 21, 31)

Question: Can you deal with the issue of trust in a marriage?

Answer: We won’t have issues with trust in a marriage when we individually have a trust relationship with God. Our relationship with the Lord will allow us to wholly trust and know that you will not be harmed because of God’s protection on your life. If your trust is in the Lord then the actions or inactions of your spouse that betray your trust will not bother you. Your trust should be in the Lord not in man. The only way for you to trust in man is to divert your trust in God to something or someone else. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33; Psalms118:8-9; 37:3; 34:8; Job 13:15 Psalms 2:12b; 7:1; 11:1; 16:1; 62:8; Jeremiah 17:5-10)

Question: When wives talk about what they would do if their husbands cheat, it bothers me. What advice can be given to women to keep them from focusing on “what if,” but rather focus on “what he doing that is positive?

Answer: The scriptures tell us “Don’t give place to the devil.” Sitting around talking about the “what if’s” isn’t good at all. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. What we speak out of our mouth can be fruitful or unfruitful; can help or damage; can lift up or bring down. Words are powerful so we must be careful what we speak about and to whom. If the wife was more productive with her time she would have spent time in prayer daily seeking the Lord. Then she would have used her time more wisely for she would have known that this type of conversation was not Godly or Christ like. (Ephesians 4:27; 1 Timothy 5:13; 2 Thessalonians 3:11; 2 Timothy 2:15-17; Proverbs 18:21)

For further study purposes read Proverbs 5:1-23; Ephesians 5:18; Ecc 7:25.